i really get some very wierd searches pointing at my blog.
there are some very odd (and scary) people out there, looking for some very odd (and scary) things. how they arrive at my blog is occasionally a mystery to me (sometimes i’m to blame, but not always).
here’s a selection of searches, and my repsonses:
- “nymphomaniacs” / “nymphomanics” / “nymphos” / “cul de sac sex”
ummm… sorry. this ain’t a porn site. my life isn’t that exciting (not in that way). these searches seem to be a recurrent theme. i’m not sure why.
- “frott” / “frottage” / “frottage bus”
ahem. *cough* one small incident on a bus and people won’t stop hounding you. if you’re looking for “how to”s : take one crowded bus, stand behind someone, grind. maybe i should introduce you to the people that made the previous searches.
- “paedophiles in South Africa” / “unconsentual story”
you two need help.
- “Who needs a cockpunch”
the two people who made the previous two searches is a good start. and maybe a good few people in SA’s government.
- “stabbed in the balls”
ouch. that’s gotta hurt. umm… i don’t have any help for you here… erm… go to a hospital? and don’t piss your girlfriend off so much next time mr bobbit.
- “DOLPH LUNGDREN TRIVIA”
wtf? you get added to the “who needs a cockpunch” list!
- “Pokemon” / “free pokemon mysterious dungeons rom” / “Pokemon Mysterious Dungeons” / “pokemon mysterious dungeons help”
i’ve never played it but here’s my advice: go buy the damn game stoopid! and as for help: collect pokemon, then use them to beat other pokemon. level up and win!
- “do obese people smell?”
sometimes. if you don’t wash them… or if you leave them out in the sun too long. i suggest keeping your obese indoors at a cool temperature at all times.
- “locked in a box”
then how’re you getting to the keyboard to type? unless you’re in a really big box with a computer and power… then you’re not in a box: you’re in a fantastic apartment in london… and you’re probably sharing it to make the rent affordable.
- “elephant possesion 2006”
wtf? i have no idea. how is elephant possesion in 2006 different to elephant possesion in 2005?
yeah… that’s just a few of the odd ones… and that’s just from the last 7 days. imagine the kind of searches i’ve gotten over the last month. (imagine what i’m going to get in the future *shudder*)