the cul de sac of life

life’s meant to be about the journey and not about the destination right? well guess what: when you’re driving in a car the journey is not about the journey… it’s about the destination, and if you want to get there alive don’t drive like an asshole!

below the cut is a story about the asshole drivers i’ve had to deal with recently. before we get ther a couple of interesting links:

some guy dropped his ipod in the plane toilets and got interrogated as a terrorist for it… (total waste provides link)

and tachikoma robots :) the spider-like robots from ghost in the shell – someone has actually made a little one that runs on batteries. i want one. (thanks moonflake for the link)

i’ve run into some real bad drivers recently. in fact, just last night while i was visiting my parents, i saw 3 cars being towed… *in rush hour traffic!*

wtf makes a person think that rush hour is the best time to tow a car down a crowded freeway? dick-leaches! all of them! just because you’ve got the hazards flashing doesn’t make it all right.

and then there’s the crazy woman trying to have vehicular anal sex with my poor old citi golf. this crazy bint drove so close to me that i think she couldn’t see my indicator flashing nor my brake lights as i slowed to take a corner. i seriously thought she was going to end up sitting ass-up in my passenger seat after a quick dive through a couple off flimsy panes of glass.

oh… and let us not forget the bleeding hemmaroid of courtesy who gives me the finger as he pulls into the fast lane to overtake me. what was my crime you ask? well… going down the freeway at 100 kph (the speed limit there) i get to the point where another road merges into my lane. the lane on my right is packed (we drive on the left in SA) so i can’t pull over to accomodate so it looks like i need to merge. i check the incoming from the onramp:

  • a couple of cars ahead of me: they’ll reach the merge before me
  • then there’s a golf sized gap which, if i maintain my speed, i’ll slot into perfectly
  • then the lord of ass-knobs everywhere in a big 4×4 who ‘s front bumper is behind me as he travels in the road parrallel at this stage. (then some more cars… rush hour and all)

so what do you do in such a situation? you maintain speed because you’re on the perfect path to merge into the gap right? wrong… ass-knob begins to speed up to try close the gap which means that he is now travelling with his bumper roughly in my back seat and he doesn’t have enough road left to actually make it past me (hell… if he’d accelerated to his fullest and i maintained speed he would have hit me with his bumper around dashboard level with me). to slow down at this stage (the merge is just ahaed) i’d need to slam brakes and come to almost a dead stop just to let him in front of me… all he has to do is maintain speed and he’ll slot in perfectly behind me.

then the merge arrives: the couple of cars in front slot in… ass-knob slams brakes when he realises that i cannot slow down to drop behind him without causing a pile-up behind me… i slot into the merge and need to slow down like crazy because i needed to ensure that ass-knob wasn’t going to hit me and now i’m travelling too fast for the traffic in front of me… ass-knob slots in behind me.

what does he do next? now that this lane is moving at a snails pace because of the turnup ahead and the influx of traffic provided by the merge we’ve just passed: he pulls into the fast lane (forcing someone to slow suddenly) while flipping me the finger. obviously upset that he didn’t get to show his alpha male status by getting in front of me at the merge.

man… it’s people like that that i’d love to drive slowly past and laugh at while they lie bleeding on the side of the road because they just crashed into a tree because they were driving like the braindead shitheads they are.

later, while leaving my parents’ place, i pop the hood of my car to top up the water. as i lift the hood a damn cat squeezes through some gaps, hits the ground under the engine, and bolts, disappearing into the night. scared the shit out of me. obviously the little rat-bastard had climbed up there for some warmth (it was rather cold last night) and didn’t have the courtesy to piss off when the hood release first made a noise, or even to give me a warning meow while i was still opening the hood. i wonder what would have happened if i had tried to turn the engine on while he was in there?

so not the best night re: cars for me.

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3 Responses to the cul de sac of life

  1. kyknoord says:

    “Lord of the ass-knobs” has a certain ring to it. You’ve been quoted, btw.

  2. zenstar says:

    thank you.
    i try my best when it comes to describing the ass-knobs of the world.

  3. totalwaste says:

    always nice to provide useful things ^_^

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