you can’t eat binary

cooking has always been a kind of binary system to me in the past.
you see, either there was someone there to cook for me (i love you moonflake;) or there was someone willing to take money from me and give me cooked food.
microwave tv dinners do not count as cooking in my opinion. neither does opening a packet of chips or making a sandwich. (otherwise we’d have a trinary, quadary, or quintary systems and that’s just weird)

of course we’re not talking metaphorical cooking here, otherwise i can really cook if you know what i mean *wink* *mac-face* “how you doing?”
ok… maybe i’m not quite the metaphorical chef either, but the point here is: barring a few pancakes and some omlettes, i’ve never really needed to cook.
first i was living with my parents, then i was making enough money not to need to cook, then i moved in with moonflake…
then moonflake got sent overseas for a couple of weeks…

since moonflake knows me well (she should do by now) she made me promise that i’d make myself food from the freezer.
you see my laziness outweighs my hunger on most occasions. i don’t cook not because i don’t know how, but because i’m too lazy to try (plus: i do the dishes).
having friends who buy you chip & cheese occasionally doesn’t help my cooking skills either (thanks james:)

but the more astute of you will have noticed the phrase “in the past,” in the first sentence of this post.
that’s right folks. i’ve mastered the art of reading the back of the box of some frozen, crumbed chicken pieces.
they were hot, but cooked properly.
i may even attempt to make some more for lunch today.
i may go as far as making some sort of accompanying side-dish.
we have some of that microwave rice stuff…
i’m sure i can handle reading the instructions on that packet.

the more i think of it, the more cooking is like ordering from the menu at a restaraunt.
only this menu makes you run around and set timers and things.
it’s kinda like being the customer and the waiter all rolled into one…
well my waiter is not getting a tip unless i get some garnish or sprinkles of stuff and drizzles of sauce like they do in restaruants where there’s more sauce and sprinkles than food.
well.. actually i suppose it’s like being the customer and the cook since i don’t really take my own orders (yeah. i’m crazy like that!).

note: i say “cook” not “chef.”
if i was a chef i’d do more of the drizzles and sprinkles (is it just me or does that sound like something you shouldn’t be doing near food preperation?) and i’d probably have a french accent.
maybe i’ll upgrade to chef status after i make some rice.
then i’ll be using 2 appliances at the same time to create a unique dining pleasure: chicken and rice.

hmm… that needs a name with more flare.
chook and grain? nah… too auzzie slang.
foul and pilaf? nah… not catchy enough.
bird ‘n bead! yes… it’s got that catchy sort of name used by trendy little coffee shops that charge far too much for the simple lunches they serve and hire the most annoying waiters. luckily for me i don’t have to deal with the waiter (i hope i don’t spit in my food though.)

bird ‘n bead: tender, succulent chicken breasts grilled to perfection and perfectly complimented by a generous helping of taste-tastic brown rice.

read: frozen chicken pieces warmed up in an oven with however much rice comes in a bag. the chicken will hopefully be cooked as long as the “chef” follows the intructions and the rice will be whatever flavour is in the cupboard. the “chef” probably won’t screw it up. good luck. be warned all ye who order here!

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