universe conspires to prevent internet access to information-starved student

so i’m back at varsity now (actually i was back yesterday, but i had stuff to do in the afternoon) which should mean that i’ve got net access again.
unfortunately all the machines were off when i went to the labs today. probably a server down again.
you’d think that a computer science department could keep a small computer lab up and running for a few days without major problems.
you’d be wrong of course, but you’d think it anyway.
so this is a notepad/dialup colaboration again.
hopefully tomorrow things’ll be sorted and i’ll have actuall access again.
i have notes to get, blogs to read, and stuff to download dammit!
good side of returning to university: i got my marks back from last semester.
apparently it was too much effort for the computer science department to put marks up on the web.
in fact it was too much effort to even send their usual little letter.
“what did they do?” i hear you wonder with anticipation…

they printed out a list of the marks and stuck it on the notice board.
whoo. tech savvy! you need to know how to use a printer *and* thumbtacks!
i guess they didn’t think that students who were working during the holidays didn’t want to know their marks (unless they wanted to risk being assaulted on campus in the dark hours. btw: another proffessor got attacked at uct these holidays)
i guess students who don’t live in cape town and were spending time with their parents don’t care about their marks either.
and it was some mix-up with just me (i checked). other students only got their marks upon returning to campus at the start of lectures.
maybe its a computer science thing. they have websites and news forums for every comsci course but they can’t maintain a working lab and use hardcopy printouts as the only means of comunicating important information.

so i’m listening to the radio as i walk down from varsity today and the dj is giving tips on “how not to have a breakdown at your desk just before leaving on holiday.”
now correct me if i’m wrong (actually… don’t) but holiday season just ended here didn’t it? school holidays ended just a short while ago and university holidays have just come to an end. talk about horses, bolting and doors.
anyway, the (airquote) advice went something along these lines:
start winding down before going on holiday. start about a week early.
(this sounds like some hippy scam to get paid for a week’s holiday already)
gather supporters: tell people that you’re going on holiday in a week and that you are begining to wind down now so if you’re late for a meeting they’ll know and say (and i quote here) “she’s going on holiday soon. she’s allowed to be 10 minutes late.”
(wtf? this dj has obviously never actually had a job. i bet she’s some homeless person that found a microphone and accidently hooked it up to a transmitter)
incorporate other people into your work early so that you don’t leave with unfinished work. (sounds plausible so far) do the work with them so that by the time you leave they’re doing the work that you’ll be leaving with them.
(ah… stop working a week early and tell people they’d better do your work because they’ll be responsible when the deadline hits and you’ll be on a beach in mexico, unreached by the blame)
there was more to the list that she promised to read out later.
i’m waiting in anticipation… no wait. that’s not what i meant. i meant that other thing: who cares!

basically the dj is saying “don’t do any work and you’ll be nice and relaxed when holiday time comes along.”
you know what? holidays are meant to be the time you unwind. work time is the time you work. (wow! what an odd notion)
if you don’t do any work you don’t need a holiday!
look at homeless people… they don’t have a job and they sure as hell don’t need a holiday.
a homeless person needs a holiday like they need another diploma in html design.
i’m not trying to poo-poo html designers here, i’m just saying if you want a good looking website hire a homeless person.
the site may smell a bit like fish and the home button may look like a cardboard box, but it’ll be swish.

ok… maybe you gotta be in the states to get good homeless html.
here in south africa if you hire a homeless person to design a websit for you, you’ll probably end up with vomit on your keyboard, your dustbin upended with that 3 day old sandwich crust missing, and the homeless guy will be nice and cozy at night snuggling up to his new monitor while he sleeps under the bridge at night.
“it was thrown away… i swear… some guy ran past and just gave it to me.”
seriously… i’ve seen homeless people with monitors.
perfectly good looking monitors.
ok, they may not be 19 inch plasma screens, but if you’re homeless you’ll make do with a crt i’m sure.
especially when you’ve got nothing to plug it into. and that includes power.
fuck knows where he got that from. i’d say he stole it, but even that is too much work for the standard south african homeless person to do.
i mean, i’ve seen homeless people wet themselves because they couldn’t be bothered to stand up and piss behind the phone exchange box like they normally do.
and it’s not like he didn’t have the energy or anything. 5 minutes later the same guy was standing outside a tv shop watching some football or rugby game.
he just couldn’t be bothered to stand up to piss. or even unzip to piss…
its why they don’t make pants waterproof right? so that liquids can pass straight out… i mean if you smell that bad already then what’s a little extra urine gonna do?

well that’s it for today.
hopefully i’ll have real access again soon and blogging will return to normal (and i’ll be able to read some blogs too).
btw: half of this post was written on my laptop while i sat on the toilet.
not because i was lazy (i actually pulled my pants down before abluting) but because i didn’t want to forget that “home button may look like a cardboard box” bit :)
man that’s some funny shit.
what do you mean “no it wasn’t?”
it was if you had a sense of humour you damn comedy fascist!
go away and do some real work now you slackers!


2 Responses to universe conspires to prevent internet access to information-starved student

  1. totalwaste says:

    ahhh. refreshing. welcome back zen! and remember, the hunt for the lecture theatre is the best part!

    interesting: w-v: pplab. i don’t think it’s an acronym, i think it’s blogger reading your posts.

    and that would explain why mine are so damn long and garbled :P

  2. moonflake says:

    welcome back love! so you got your marks…i assume lack of rant means you passed everything :)–>

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